They should really pass out barf bags in church
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
