You work out of a Hotel?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize