I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
