Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
