this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
