i just had sex bonerless
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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