Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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