dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
