I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
