dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
