There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
