it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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