It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
