Please, let me fuck your mom
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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