U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
