What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We're not piercing ourselves today.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize