you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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