The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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