I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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