Its about making memories worth repressing
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
