I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
