Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
