no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
