I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
