Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
