kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
