And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Im part way to drunk.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
