Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
