went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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