Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
