im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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