Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
