Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
