do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You did what with his pubic hair?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize