If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
