You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she pinky promised me she was 18
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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