Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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