Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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