he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sorry about my life...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
