you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
