Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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