you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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