Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drunk is not a location!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
