I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
