Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
