is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
