the condom got lost in my hair
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
