mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
