I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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