We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
