Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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