I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
