Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
