I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
