That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize