also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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