It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
