I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
