i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
