There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
