i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
