Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
