Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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