Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
