I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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