I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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