I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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