Even the bartender felt bad for me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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